Secret no. 25

by Victoria's Secrets

“‘Distance’ is a song about loving someone at the wrong time in your life. Maybe it’s too soon, maybe it’s too late, but nevertheless it’s about being around that one whom your heart longs for without being about to show your true feelings, without being able to tell them,” says Perri. “It’s very hard to keep love a secret, and I wrote this song about the one time I had to.” – Christina Perri

When it struck midnight, The loneliness and silence of the night hits me again. Vulnerable to anything, succumbing to its aura. Dawning to my regrets, Finally perched on the highest mountain I could think of, Just waiting and ready to fall…

This song… Explains so much. About me and circumstances bothering me.

Me and *inner voice at dawn.

At 1:00 am : Replay. I wish I could just fall into a warp of nothingness. Forget everyone, Forget everything. *Erase. Erase.

At 1:30 am : Play it the third time, Imagining once more, Imagining if things would have turned out the way I want it to be. Would I still be bothered at this hour? Maybe, maybe.

At 2:00 am : Still no sign of his presence. Staring around the hardly lit room. Asking myself again, “Why?”  Few beeps on my phone, still not him. *Why bother? ey?

At 2:30 am : Closing my eyes, Rewind. Pause. Replay. Trying to remember all the happiest moments, the smiles and laughs I gave out, But then I can hear crickets, unnecessary noises.. interrupting my idleness. *stop being so weary, please? you’re more than that..

At 3:00 am : Re-reading old text messages, Deciphering if it is really true?  or maybe I’m just expecting too much out of nothing? I know it’s not, but why am I still hoping? I hate myself, I hate this. I must stop waiting. *You know it’s never gonna happen.

At 3:30 am : The right moment when I feel so lonely. Text him. Tell him. Go all out on him. But I can’t. *Coward.

At 4:00 am: Roosters crow, Birds finally chirping, Still curled up like a small fetus, hiding inside a white blanket, I feel safe now. I feel nothing inside. Nothing. Then it’s time for me to bid adieu, this is nothing but a memory. *Rest Via, smile pretty face, soon you’ll have your time.

Distant, Hopeless, I shall runaway, far away from you..

No worries, No shackles to tie me down anymore.

I was once clinging to every word, to every thing you did, now I’m freely letting go…

Footnote: No need to discuss things, sometimes things are better to be kept hidden so it’s easier to  let go, no complications, Just you and your what if’s

*Enough is enough. Goodbye world of unhappiness.